1. |
Liar liar
03:50
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Obfuscation, procrastination; these are the lawyer’s tools
A law education: that’s what you studied at school
For those with egos to show ostentation; it really makes them feel cool
But some day you’ll learn that these are they ways of a fool
Daisy Daisy so much depended on you
Why could you never be honest and tell us the truth?
Daisy are you crazy? Or just the brashness of youth
You claim all the while that your words have been misconstrued
You show contempt for all the things that we admire
You undermine the good people that you hire
Just a young protégé with nothing true to say – liar liar!
You invent stories all about potential buyers
Say that they’re cunning, that they scheme and they conspire
Dismiss our history you’re happy to deceive – liar, liar!
Daisy, Daisy seems that you haven’t a clue
With no self-awareness you find all the holes to fall through
Some say that you’re lazy and you have a unique point of view
You incite and provoke with the vexing things that you do
You show contempt for all the things that we admire
You undermine the good people that you hire
Just a young protégé with nothing true to say – liar liar!
You invent stories all about potential buyers
Say that they’re cunning, that they scheme and they conspire
Dismiss our history you’re happy to deceive – liar, liar!
Daisy, Daisy seems that you haven’t a clue
With no self-awareness you find all the holes to fall through
Some say that you’re lazy and you have a unique point of view
You incite and provoke with the vexing things that you do
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2. |
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Those boys called the tune, they were the engine room
For the team of sixty-nine
Graham had class, played it slow, played it fast
And Alan he was sublime
Scotland was where Alan came from there
While Graham grew up in Wales
Both full of running, both Celtic cousins
And Graham was hard as nails
Graham he had flair with his neat blond hair
But Alan’s was long and dark
Graham was here, he was there, and he was every friggin where
And he’d kick ‘em off the park
He could tackle, he could shoot
With either boot
But Alan he was the star
That’s Alan, Alan Campbell la la la la la la la
Alan, Alan Campbell la la la la la la la
Graham Moore and Alan Campbell
They entertained us and they made us cheer
Graham Moore and Alan Campbell
They were sharp they were keen, the opposing teams
Found them too much of a handful
It was a winters day, and the skies were grey
When I heard about Graham’s demise
All the tackles he made and the games he’d played
That I still memorised
A tribute was arranged for the next home game
Against his local boyhood team,
But some began to laugh at the giant photograph
Of his face upon the screen
It wasn’t Graham Moore, it was Alan Campbell
I’d recognise those features anywhere
Not Graham Moore, it was Alan Campbell
Serves to represent shoddy management
Oh what a shambles
Graham Moore and Alan Campbell
They entertained us and they made us cheer
Graham Moore and Alan Campbell
They were sharp they were keen, the opposing teams
Found them too much of a handful
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3. |
Oh Mandy
04:15
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Ticket sales must have been miscalculated
Or there’re tumbling revenues?
But you’ll be noticed with a name that’s hyphenated,
If it’s not for the job that you do.
You smile at the boss; you say she’s appreciated
Perhaps a wage review is due?
Nobody told you that the club was relegated?
Why did they hide the truth from you?
Oh Mandy
With gravitas you eloquently speak
When you justify a message so unique
It’s oh so unique.
Oh Mandy
You validate a doctrine that is false
All the bluster and the lies that you endorse
The lies that you endorse
You’re so convicted of her honesty and virtue
That fragrant lady with the elongated nose
Did somebody tell you sychofantasy wouldn’t hurt you
Is that the way it goes?
You like to rub shoulders with those more sophisticated
You pay attention when she speaks
Making sure she’s never misinterpretated
We’re never weird, we are unique
Oh Mandy
If it’s true you’ve been derided from afar
It’s because of the kind of person that you are
The person you are
Oh Mandy
You’ve been the fragrant lady’s greatest fan
But when she tires of you, then you will take the can
You will take the can
So why do you think the sales were so deflated?
Did they hang the blame on you?
Were you pushed or did you abdicated?
Or were you just passing through?
You know it seems strange
You left without a whimper
Ditched the bestest boss in town
Do you think you’ll miss her smile and her simper
Do you feel let down?
Oh Mandy
With gravitas you eloquently spoke
You can admit it now your words were just a joke
Words were just a joke
Oh Mandy
There’s nobody who’s missed you since you’re gone
And nothing’s changed, the circus carries on
The circus carries on
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4. |
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We know a strange man he’s from Belgium
Takes good care of his financial affairs
He’s thrifty; he’s mean and he seldom
Spends a penny on his household repairs
He appears to gain so much pleasure
From his wide range of DIY tips
And his favourite of all by any measure
A universal, all-purpose adhesive strip
If he can save any cash by cutting corners
Then he’s happy to do things that way
He considers himself a great reformer
Despite what the evidence says
If he could only persuade all the nations
Then he would kick this sad world into shape
But for now, his main preoccupation
The tensile properties of Duck tape
In a shed at the bottom of his garde
He conceals his sticky tape stash
He buys it in bulk by the carton
It saves him a little bit of cash
And he grabs every chance he gets to use it
You can’t imagine all the things that he mends
He takes extra care not to lose it
But if he did it would drive him around the bend
Yes he grabs every chance he gets to use it
You can’t imagine all the things that he mends
When he gets the urge he can’t refuse it
At least once everyday and twice at weekends
One day as he prepared for an appointment
He reached for his favourite footwear
Not the canvass ones in blue, - they’re too flamboyant
But the shiny, square-toed, oxblood pair
And as he slipped his feet into his footwear
The strange man he almost had a fit
The cause of his heart-rending despair
He’d noticed that somehow the leather had split
In a panic he went in such a hurry
To fetch a new roll of sticky tape
But he realised he needn’t have worried
As he applied the tape to the gape
The result of his work seemed tp please him
And he admired the shoes with a smirk
Now the shoe-menders guild of Sint Truiden
Are worried local cobblers will be out of work
The repair filled the man with such amazement
And the shoes they remained water-tight
He wore them for all social engagements
He wore them by day and by night
And to think that he hadn’t spent a penny
And his money had remained in the bank
The repair held fast so securely
He had the sticky Duck tape to thank
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